Tis better to have loved and loss
by manupstud
Summary: Neither of them said anything about it or brought it up again. She thought that was the only time she saw someone with such vulnerability. Until now. Cameron was staring at her, his brown eyes showing flashes of anger, hurt, and maybe even a speckle of what some might call love. "Or at least I think I'm starting to."
1. Or at least I'm starting to

_**Disclaimer; I don't own Stitchers or any of it's character. I only own the things I add.**_

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"Ever since we broke up he's been like a puppy; all clingy and helpless. I like him but I don't _like_ him that much you know?"

Kirsten open her mouth to say something but quickly closed it.

"Of course Miss-I-don't-know-how-to-feel-human-emotions wouldn't know" Camille took a sip of coffee as Kirsten gave her a glare. "See, I knew as soon as you two began to _hook up_ it would end like this". Camille rolled her eyes at her roommate and before she could reply with a snarky comment Cameron stormed in with an angry look on his face. "Kirsten, can we talk? Alone." Camille held up her hands before grabbing her laptop in one hand and coffee in another. "Be my guest".

As soon as Camille left Kirsten went back to typing rapidly on her laptop. "What's wrong, did your virtual girlfriend break up with you? Oh, or let me guess, someone stole your nerd magazines again?" Cameron glared at the blond in front of him, "Can you please just look at me for 5 seconds please?" Kirsten still didn't take a glance at him, and instead put all her focus onto the screen in front of her. "What do you want Cameron? I'm busy." Without much warning Cameron slammed the laptop closed and Kirsten, who barely had enough time to yank her hands away gave Cameron a shocked look.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Did someone piss in your Cheerio's this morning?" Cameron glared at her before saying "Maggie told me about Fisher and your little plan." Kirsten nodded before raising her eyebrow. The latest stitch involved a young man, barely even 20, who was involved in a local gang. Kirsten was planning on going undercover to take it down. "So?" Cameron waved his arms around spastically, "So? Kirsten your going to get yourself killed." She rolled her eyes before crossing her arms. "Stop being a worry wart Cameron. I'm going to be fine." He began to pace around the room as he ran a hand through his messy hair.

"Maybe this time, but what about the next time? Or the time after that? You're not going to have many more chances Kirsten. Or do you even care?" Kirsten jumped off the couch before pointing an angry finger at Cameron. "God Cameron, I'm not Marta."

"You think I don't know that?" Kirsten shook her head in anger. The last stitch was yesterday, and she could still feel the residual emotions seeping out of her. "It doesn't seem like it. How many times do I have to tell you? Just because Marta got too emotionally invested in a stitch doesn't mean I will."

Cameron sighed before giving Kirsten a sad look. "That's what I'm worried about. You don't feel anything. You could care less if you get yourself killed. But newsflash Kirsten, people would care." Kirsten felt anger bubble out of her even more. "Like who?"

Cameron couldn't take it anymore. He was going to explode. "I DO!" His scream echoed off the the thin walls. "I do". This time he said it more softly. Kirsten shook her head before shoving her finger into his chest, "Oh, please. You only care about me because of the program. Without me you wouldn't have nothing. Cameron let out a laugh before rolling his eyes. "You honestly think that's why I care? God, Kirsten. You really don't understand anything about this do you? I could care less about the program. I _**care**_ about you. So much that it's driving me crazy. But you will never get it will you? For pete's sake, I-" Cameron paused to take a deep breath. He felt the words on the tip of his tongue but he couldn't say it. "I-"

"SPIT IT OUT CAMERON" Kirsten screamed, staring at him with wild eyes. "I LOVE YOU". She gasped as soon as the words left his mouth. "You love me?" Kirsten remembered a few weeks ago when the guy who lived under him got murder, Robbie, and they found out about him spying on people (although he did do it to help people) and she remember the rush it brought with it. To see people in their own vulnerability. It was that same day that she first saw Cameron being vulnerable. She walked in when he had no shirt on and saw a long scar going down his chest. Neither of them said anything about it or brought it up again. She thought that was the only time she saw someone with such vulnerability. Until now. Cameron was staring at her, his brown eyes showing flashes of anger, hurt, and maybe even a speckle of what some might call love.

"Or at least I think I'm starting to." It was barely audible, and she wonder if he wanted her to hear that. A million emotions were through her. Pain. Anger. Surprise. And something else she couldn't quite put her finger on. She took a deep breath before locking eyes with Cameron. She could remember a few weeks back a conversation they had.

"Is this what love is? Intense connection and then heartbreaking loss?"

"Maybe."

"Is it worth it?

"'Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Tennyson."

"Do you think he's right?

"I don't know, but if you figure it out, tell me?"

Kirsten took a shaky breath before she whispered, "Maybe he was right."

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 _ **Thank you for reading this! Stitchers is my new obsession and I just love Cameron and Kirsten. This is intended to be a one shot but I might continue it if some people would like :)**_

 _ **Till next time,**_

 _ **-manupstud**_


	2. Kiss Me

_**Yeah I've been feeling everything**_

 _ **From hate to love**_

 _ **From love to lust**_

 _ **From lust to truth**_

 ** _ **I guess that's how I know you**_**

 ** _ **So I hold you close to help you give it up**_**

 ** _ **-Ed Sheeran / Kiss Me /**_**

* * *

Kirsten sighed as she flipped her copy (okay, technically it was the copy that _Marta_ gave her. So technically it wasn't truly hers). She let her eyes travel over the pages that contain a jumble of words. Just as she was going to turn another page it was yanked from her grasp. Camille glared down at the blonde who was sprawled out on the couch behind her.

Kirsten whipped her head up at Camille, a look of confusion washed over face. "I was trying to read." In Camille's other hand was a tray full of various dips and chips. She sat it down on the coffee table before rolling her eyes. "Not anymore. We have company coming over.

Kirsten cocked her eyebrow in the air. " _We? We don't have company. You have company over, not me_."

"Tonight we're a packet deal." Kirsten stood up and crossed her eyes at her roommate. "Who's coming over?" A evil grin appeared on Camille's face. "Two of our favorite nerds. Cameron and Linus." Kirsten blew a huff on air. "Why?"

Camille was getting annoyed by Kirsten tonight- more than usual. "Geez, I don't know. Maybe because they're our friends." As Kirsten shook her head she made her way to the kitchen as Camille trailed behind her. "No, they are our coworkers. Well, you and Linus sleep together, me and Cameron don't." Camille gave her a pointed look as Kirsten yanked open the fridge to grab herself a beer.

It's been a total of 1 month since Marta died and it's been a month and a half since Cameron told Kirsten that he was in love with her. Well, almost in love. After that day, neither of them brought it back up and then Marta died. After that happen it seemed like that day never even happen, they both went back to how they after before. But just because she put up for Cameron at work didn't mean she wanted to put up with him now. She was confused- and she hate being confused.

"Not yet, anyways." Camille mumbled to herself as she watched Kirsten take back off into the living room.

"You can tell them not to come." Kirsten said. Just then the doorbell went off. Kirsten yanked her book back before stuffing her face in it. Maybe if she ignore them they would go away. "Too late."

"Wassup, ladies?" Camille rolled her eyes at Linus greeting. Linus had a was a box of wine in one hand and a stack of movies in another.

"Camille. Hey Stretch." When Kirsten didn't say anything or even glance up at him he fell back onto the couch with a soft thud. She felt him swiftly lift up her feet before laying them in his lap. It should of felt awkward or weird to them but it didn't.

"Catcher in the Rye? _It's one of my favorite's._ " Linus and Camille began to argue on what movie they were going to watch- Interception or Planet of the Apes as Cameron nudged Kirsten's leg. "I know you can't be that into a book." Kirsten still didn't reply, only turning the page once more.

As Camille and Linus voiced rises louder and louder Cameron yank the book away from the blonde hands. Kirsten gave him a dirty look. "What part of I was trying to read do you and Camille not understand?" He ignored her comment before giving her a confused look.

"Are you pissed at me or something?" Cameron narrow his eyes as Kirsten shook her head. "No."

"Then why are you treating me like I'm some infectious disease?" Kirsten leaned over to take a sip of her beer. "I'm not." Cameron chuckled. "Wow, Sparky. I'm really convinced." Kirsten ran a hand over her hair. "I don't feel good. Probably from the last stitch." Kirsten lied as Cameron's face washed over with worry. "What? Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Kirsten shrugged. "I don't know. Didn't wan to make you turn into a worry wart." This time she lied less convinclly. The truth was that she felt okay. The last stitch this morning didn't effect that badly; and Cameron knew.

Cameron couldn't take it anymore. _She was lying,_ horribly to her face he might add. Before she could protest Cameron yanked her off the couch and began to pull her in the direction of her room.

"Where the hell are you two going?" Camille yelled as she threw her hands in the air. "We have to talk." Cameron stated simply.

"So, I guess it's just us two." Linus said before Camille groaned.

"Geez, Cameron. What's your problem." Cameron let go of her hand as she sat down on her bed.

"I could ask you the same question. Spill, Nutcracker." Kirsten scoffed. "Spill what?" Cameron sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "Don't do that Kirsten. Don't pretend like you don't know what's going on."

Kirsten bit her lip slightly. "Is this about Ed? Maggie?" Cameron paused. As she took a deep breathe of air she pulled her legs to her chest. "No. It's not that."

"Then what?" Kirsten felt so stupid; she was icing out Cameron for no good reason. She was icing him out because of her confusion. "I'm confused okay?" Cameron slowly sat down next to Kirsten. "About what?"

"What I'm feeling." Cameron cocked his head to the side.

"What are you feeling, Buttercup?"

"A lot. Things I've never felt before. Anger. Sadness. And something else. I can't describe it. But I feel like I might explode. She knew that since she began Stitching she had these feelings that felt foreign to her.

"So explode." Cameron whispered softly as she looked over at him. He was staring at her as she her mind raced. Maybe clicked in Kirsten's mind before she slowly leaned over and pressed her lips to Cameron's. Cameron's eyes went wide before they fluttered closed as he ran his hands through her hair. Kirsten laid a hand over his cheek being melting into his embrace.

It was like (deja vu); the first day they met each other they ended up kissing; and Kirsten laid her hand on his cheek. The last kiss was residual emotions. Cameron hoped and prayed this wasn't the case.

Their lips moved in sync as Kirsten ran her hands up his shirt causing him to shiver. As she ran her fingertips along his scar their kisses became more frantic. They broke their kiss for a spilt second so Kirsten could could yank off her shirt. Cameron ran his hands over her bare sides as Kirsten felt every hair on her body stand up.

Kirsten glanced over at Cameron and before she pulled Cameron's shirt over his head. Kirsten gave him a questioning look before leaning over and pressing her lips to the top of the scar and laid kisses until it ended. Most girls would give him looks of pity and avoid the scar at all cost; it huge and ugly. But Kirsten didn't do either; instead she was amazed by it.

Cameron couldn't take it anymore. Her pushed Kirsten back on her back before connecting his lips to hers again. Kirsten grabbed a hand full of his hair before yanking him even closer. Every thing she was feeling before was nothing compared to this. She felt something in the pit of her stomach.

She wanted Cameron; she needed him. Cameron began to lightly kiss the corner of mouth, her cheek, her forehead, and even her earlobe before attaching his lips on her neck. Kirsten let out a gasp as called his name. "Cameron." He went to her mouth, but this time their kisses was softer rather then frantic.

Kirsten was sure her heart was going to leap out of her chest any moment now. Kirsten pushed Cameron off to change their position. Kirsten was straddling Cameron as she leaned over him. He pushed a piece of hair from her face before their lips meet again.

Kirsten's door was yanked open as they both jumped. "What's taking you guys- OH my god. Oh my god. Oh my god." Linus stood in the doorway with a look of shock over his face. Kirsten leaped off of him before pulling her cover over her chest to cover it. As Camille appeared next Linus her eyes went wide before grinning. "What happen to only I screw coworkers?" As Camille let out a laugh Kirsten glared at her. Linus pulled Camille out of the room, leaving just Kirsten and Cameron.

"Maybe you should go." Cameron leaned over and brushed his hand over her bare shoulder. Kirsten flinched at his touch. "Kirsten."

Kirsten cleared her throat. "Sorry. It was the residual emotions from the stitch." A look of hurt flashes on Cameron's face.

"You should go." Kirsten avoided his glance as she felt a aching pain in her chest. "Kirsten, please don't do this. Don't shut me out."

"I'm not. Like I said, it was just because of the stitch. It was nothing."

"Look me in the eye and say that."

Kirsten looked up at him as he shrugged on his shirt. "It was nothing. It was just because of the stitch." Cameron shook his head and Kirsten couldn't tell if the look on his face was hurt, anger, confusion, or a mix of all three.

Cameron sighed. "So, I was really just another nothing to you huh?" Kirsten wanted to do nothing more then scream at him and tell him he wasn't another nothing. But before she could even gain her courage he was already out the doors as he slammed it with a loud slam.

Kirsten laid emotionless as stared at the empty wall in front of her, hoping and praying that her mind will allow her to sleep tonight.

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 _ **I woke up at 4am this morning and couldn't go back to sleep so I decided to write this. I've decided that I'm going to make this into a multi-chapter fic and it will loosely follow the show. I am going to change some things but mostly it'll stick to the show.**_

 _ **I didn't say this before BUT I DO NOT OWN STITCHERS WHAT SO EVER! I only the things I add in.**_

 _ **I'll probably update in the next few days. (Most likely before Tuesday or on Tuesday).**_

 _ **Thanks; AshleyMarie2010, Beyourself0107, IHeartStana, LinaN87, Sunnystar9, aford416, darthmatthew, hharrel92, hopelessromantic0510, jennifermay346, , and sidz2891 for following this story**_

 _ **Thank you; BOBA2017, Beyourself0107, DensiLovestory, JayShorty15, Sunnystar9. aford416, darthmatthew, hharrell97, hopelessromantic0510, jennifermay346, for faving this story.**_

 _ **xoxocamstenxoxo (guest)- well hopefully this was just as adorable**_

 _ **jordan (guest)- I'm really happy you liked this so far! I hope you like this chapter!**_

 _ **sidz2891- Thanks for reviewing :)**_

 _ **To all the guest's who reviewed but didn't leave their names; Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm hope you enjoyed this chapter :D Very steamy ;) Anyways, it means so much for reviewing!**_

 _ **Thank you to every person that has reviewed, fav, followed, and even just read this; you have no idea how happy you guys made me. All of you guys are amazing 3**_

 _ **Till next time,**_

 _ **-manupstud**_


	3. Chapter 3

First I want to say that I'm _**SORRY**_ for you know... disappearing. I really don't have a excuse for not updating except I've lost a lot of inspiration to write. My Senior year just started and its been insane the last week or so.

The thing is I'm torn between writing this fic. I have no clue if I should continue it or drop it.

I'm planning on editing DRASTICALLY for all of my fics. So be on the lookout for that. On top of editing my fics I've also thought of so many different ideas that I'll hopefully get to write out.

I just wanted to write this to say be patient with me and hopefully I'll be able to write this out.


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